So, I have gestational diabetes. There, I said it. Laughing? Confused? I was both.
Early in pregnancy, I never thought about gestational diabetes, I just worried about everything else that could go wrong. As I got closer to the dreaded glucose test, I was nervous, but not for the result. Simply for the disgusting sugar loaded drink they give you and not being able to eat before hand, and then having to sit there for two hours. I fairly assumed my results would be just fine and I would continue along with an easy pregnancy excitedly awaiting our little one.
Then the midwife called and told me I was completely fine for my first two blood tests but off by two points on my last test. She gave me the option of testing again or receiving a referral to talk to a dietician and begin with the glucose monitoring. I was scared and surprised but I though it was just a fluke. I chose to re-test and thought I would have no issue. Unfortunately this didn't happen and it was a repeat of the first but the last test was off by more.
My first reaction was stress and anger. I was embarrassed. I had been eating healthy, I have always been an active person and I had no risk factors for this to be a positive test except I am over the age of 25. I was completely on track for my weight gain and baby was measuring on track. After a few teary appointments with the midwife and dietician, intensely researching this topic online and trying to think of any excuses such as "I am petite, and my insides are getting squished more than most and therefore my pancreas can't work properly" (I was stretching for anything here), I have accepted that this isn't my fault at all. The midwives, dieticians, and nurses reiterated this over and over but I still felt the guilt. Pregnancy is weird and my body is simply reacting. Hormones are all over the place (this may have had something to do with the tears) and my next pregnancy could be dramatically different.
Since I have had my appointments and started monitoring my blood glucose, everything is normal. My numbers are all within range and I am following portions and carbs very strictly. I was scared that as a result I would not be able to continue with my midwives which would (and can) happen if I have to use pills or insulin to help my sugar levels. I am afraid of the possibility of a C-Section, but in the end I will do whatever it takes for this baby. My actions and diet will not be a result of him having low blood sugar or a risk of diabetes. Two more months and I will have a happy, healthy baby boy in my arms.
This has made me have a greater respect and awareness for those with diabetes. It's not hard to manage, but it isn't fun. I am sure that it is difficult however for those with severe diabetes. I am complaining and I only have it temporarily and thankfully, it hasn't been too bad.
This all brings me to another point about pregnancy. I am not one of those women who love being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I love feeling him move and I get so excited for my appointments and being able to hear his tiny heart beat, but there is little beyond that I love. Morning sickness until 20 weeks, although not miserable, was enough to make me puke, cry, and gag. Second trimester was good, but I am not sure I would call it the "honeymoon stage" that many women claim it to be. And third trimester? I am just tired...tired of watching everything I eat, poking myself, hormones, not being able to have my favorite drinks, sushi, being uncomfortable and not sleeping well. Funny enough, I have never wanted to run a marathon so badly. With all that said, this pregnancy really hasn't been that bad (I just am laying all the negatives out at once on this post) and I am lucky that I haven't had more severe issues. I know there are many women out there who go through much more than this, and I am still thankful for what I have (and haven't had). Aside from GD, everything is great, I just am tired of it.
9 more weeks to go!
